On the future and Ira Glass

I think my freak flag is flying again.

For the past two weeks, a day hasn’t gone by without someone asking about my plans after my VISTA contract is completed and what I want out of life.  It’s absolutely unnerving.

Classic Butter Cupcakes with Brown Sugar Frosting

Cheryl, one of our staff attorneys, pulled me into her office one day last week to sit me down and have “a talk.”

“Emily, at my age I’ve realized a few things,” she said as I sat down on her chincey office chair across from her desk.  “One of the things I’ve come to discover is that once you start down a certain path, it becomes much harder to switch life plans.  You’re going to have to start making decisions about what path you want to be on.”  Suddenly I felt like I was back in my my high school guidance counselor’s office, with the bleak off-white walls, the token plants on the windowsills and the hanging dry erase board.  All Cheryl’s office was missing were the laminated motivational statements demanding that “You Be You!” in brash bold colors and Saved by the Bell geometric shapes.  I felt gross.

The next day I was talking to Dawn our financial manager when she suddenly asked, “How old are you? 23? God, you need to figure out what you want to do.  You’re going to be 23, then 24 and next thing you know you’re going to be me and wake up one day, realizing that next year you’ll be 30.”  I just stared at her, thinking “what.the.fuck.”

It’s starting to freak me out, making me wonder if I’m dripping with so much uncertainty and confusion that I’m creating some other worldly gravitational pull, bringing in every mother within a four block radius to my side.  Perhaps it’s the haggard look I’ve been sporting for the past few weeks from the stress of running Hearts for Housing, or my disheveled appearance because I don’t have enough quarters to do laundry or maybe, just maybe, it’s the look of pure nausea that flashes across my face as I realize that I only have six more months of solid “employment” while I do intelligent things like listen to This American Life.

Whatever it is, everyone’s been abuzz with speculation.  Including myself.

So when times are tough and people keep asking you unanswerable questions on a daily basis, there’s really only one sensible option.  Mainlining shots of tequila.  Or maybe making cupcakes with brown sugar frosting. And then eating those while drinking gin & tonics and watching the Gilmore Girls.

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These cupcakes are so good, so magical, they will revive any part of you that is currently hiding underneath blankets in your bedroom, begging to remain hidden from any mother who is not your own.

Maybe it’s the fluffy, puffy tops or the surprise texture difference as your teeth break through the ever-so-slight crunch of the cupcake’s crust before hitting the downy, buttery insides.  It could also be the light, permeating never overpower taste of the brown sugar frosting.  Or that the frosting is made with two types of sugar that combine with the butter ever so perfectly, enough so to put a certain pop! into your step.

I think it’d be a bit too brash and presumptuous of me to ascribe any one element to happiness of these cupcakes, so I’ll just say this.  These are perfection.

Classic Butter Cupcakes from The Atlantic

3 cups flour

2 1/2 tsps baking powder

1/2 tsp. salt

1 cup milk

2 tsps pure vanilla extract

1 tsp. almond extract

8 ounces (2 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temp

2 cups granulated sugar

4 eggs, separated

1/8 tsp. cream of tartar

Preheat oven to 350F.

Sift the flour, baking powder and salt together.  Set aside.  Mix the milk and two extracts together, set aside.

Beat the butter until creamy and smooth.  Then add the sugar in a steady stream, mixing until its light in color and texture, about 3 to 4 minutes.

Add the egg yolks one at a time, beating after adding each youlk until it’s fully incorporated.  Once all the egg yolks are added, beat the mixture until fluffy.

On the lowest speed so the dry ingredients don’t go flying all over, add the flour mixture in 4 additions, alternating with the milk mixture in 3 additions.  Make sure that you fully incorporate each addition before moving on to the next.

In a smaller bowl, whip the egg whites and the cream of tartar until small bubbles appear, about 30 seconds.  Don’t beat the egg whites so much that peaks form, it’s better to err on the side of underwhipping than overwhipping.  Fold the egg whites into the batter until fully incorporated.

Scoop the batter into cupcake holders, filling them no more than two-thirds full.  Place in oven and bake 21-23 minutes.  They will be lightly golden and the tops will be nice and springy when done.

Now for the extra goodies – Brown Sugar Frosting, adapted from Joy the Baker

1 1/2 cups butter, softened

1/2 cup brown sugar, packed

2 tsp vanilla extract

2-4 tablespoons milk

4-6 cups powerded sugar, depending on your desired consistency

Cream the butter in an electric mixer.  Add brown sugar and vanilla and mix until fully incorporated.  Slowly add the sugar and the milk, alternating, until you reach your desired consistency.

Top the cupcakes and enjoy!